GT: excuse me, alien time troll, but i am TRYING to wrap a present.
GT: really, you all have the worst timing.
AG: Yes, I can see that. Two ugly garments, and seeds for some kind of strange earth vegeta8le? Pretty lame present, John!!!!!!!!
GT: nope, not going to ask how you know my name, or what i'm sending, don't care.
GT: and one of these ugly garments is for me, also, it's not ugly, it's awesome.
AG: Not as awesome as something you will 8e wearing later, thanks to me.
GT: uh oh, my mouse is hovering dangerously close to the block button!
GT: it always does that when i talk to trolls, it is the dangdest thing.
AG: Calm down, I just thought I would foreshadow my existence to you at this quaint moment on your timeline.
AG: It is way too tempting not to let you know I have taken gr8 care to 8ecome a very important feature of your life.
AG: Or for that matter, to let you know that I will 8e giving you a present so much 8etter than the useless crap you're shoving in that 8ox.
AG: I will 8e giving you the gift of immortality!
GT: oh sweet, that has been on my wish list, ranking just below a mint condition little monsters poster, starring hollywood superstar, howie mandel.
GT: can i expect it to arrive on my next birthday??
AG: Yes, as a matter of fact. Nice guess!
AG: It will come at a cost though.
GT: the mandel poster, or immortality?
AG: The latter, jackass!
AG: In order for you to claim it, you will have to 8e quite gulli8le and allow me to arrange your murder.
GT: i see, here is where all the sick trolling begins!
GT: you can keep your present, i am not interested.
AG: 8ut you will 8e! You will happily go along with everything I tell you to do.
AG: And then, once I have completely earned your trust, I will kill you John. ::::)
GT: sigh...
GT: the other troll i just talked to was way better, if a tad grumpy, at least she was down with talking about cool movies, sort of.
AG: 8ut this is all true. I've seen it already. You have no idea how delicious the dramatic irony is right now!
AG: You will die. I will lead you into a trap, and watch you 8leed to death on a 8ig stone sla8 with a sword stuck in your chest.
AG: There is nothing you can do a8out it. In fact, it has already happened!
GT: that's nice. now scram, troll!
AG: I'll leave you alone soon enough.
AG: I was just feeling pretty pleased with myself, a8out all the 8rilliant plans I made for you and your friends.
AG: Stopping 8y in your past to mess with your head is really just a courtesy, 8ecause I like to think we're pretty good friends 8y the time I get around to killing you. ::::D
GT: ok, you got me!
GT: my feathers are all ruffled, and i can no longer tell my ass apart from a big orange earth vegetable!
GT: now can you leave me alone?
AG: I guess so.
AG: 8ut my inevita8le grisly murder of you notwithstanding, you're a pretty fun guy to hassle. It'll 8e difficult sparing you from the privilege of my company until your game 8egins.
GT: that is basically the worst pickup line i have ever heard.
AG: Please, John. As if there is any conceiva8le sequence of events which could lead me to consider you as a via8le romantic partner, in any quadrant. Even the pale ones.
GT: blurp durp bluh, more plausible alien sounding things.
GT: weren't you leaving?
AG: Yes.
GT: ok then...
AG: I mean, I was going to.
AG: 8ut now I guess I'm not.
GT: oh.
GT: why?
AG: 8ecause this isn't really happening.
GT: it isn't?
AG: It did, once.
AG: 8ut now it's just a memory.
AG: I guess I must 8e dead.