GT: There he is finished.
GT: Look at this spanking iron friend from the future. He is perfect.
GT: Oh shoot dirk he just got blurry and disappeared! What the actual fuck?
TT: Don't worry, that's normal.
TT: Upon activation he goes into Stalking Mode.
GT: Stalking mode??
TT: Yes. He will stalk you in the jungle and strike when your guard is down.
GT: What? Thats crazy why would i want that!
TT: Didn't you want someone to get in scrums with?
GT: Well yeah but... man.
TT: He will give you all the scrums you can handle. Trust me, this will sharpen your combat skills.
GT: I guess youre right.
GT: I was just picturing a little good honest rough housing... why does the whole thing have to sound so sketchy and nerve wracking!
TT: Do you want to hear my grim tales of the apocalypse or not?
GT: Yes!
GT: Youre right lets put issues of fisticuffs aside for now. Tell me everything about the future.
GT: So how does humanity fuck up? Is it the nuclear holocaust? Or is it robots? Gotta be the robots right? As per the terminator.
TT: No, it's more of a gradual decline in population than that, due to an insidious power grab by an aquatic alien empress.
GT: Oh the old alien overlord story? Got it. When does she show up?
TT: She's already there, in your time period, hiding in plain sight. She has been for anywhere between fifty and a hundred years.
TT: She's the Baroness of Crockercorp. Jane's company. But of course Jane has no idea.
TT: The Baroness has been using subtle strategies to manipulate the human population through her company for a long time.
TT: On November 11th, 2011, she finally made her presence known to the world, along with her agenda for global domination.
GT: Jeez that is pretty scary. So in a few years she will be in charge of everything?
TT: No, not quite. That's just when the world finally sees her for the threat she is. She would continue to gain power by exploiting various institutions and the media from within.
TT: It would take the next several decades for her to claim the throne as Earth's absolute ruler. Her march to domination was facilitated by a number of scumbag sympathizers, and opposed by a few brave rebels, including my ancestor. Roxy's too.
TT: I think your ancestor qualifies as one too. In fact I'm sure she must have been the first member of the covert opposition movement.
GT: My grandma?
GT: I do remember when i was very young she would tell me stories of the wicked woman who raised her.
GT: Was she the evil alien?
TT: Yep.
TT: That's a whole story right there, most of which is shrouded in rumor and urban legend.
TT: But before we get sidetracked by any of that, I'll try to cover the big picture. To give you a sense of all the batshit lunacy that followed the sea hag's power play.