ROSE: I don't mean to be too analytical about getting to know you, really. ROSE: I guess comparisons are little hard for me to avoid, since the adult version of you played such a significant role in my life. ROSE: So I can't help seeing the similarities when they are there. ROSE: But also you are so clearly your own person, shaped by your own experiences, and that is the person I would prefer to get to know, rather than a young avatar for the memory of a departed parent. ROSE: Yet this is the context which somewhat inescapably colors my perception of what you reveal. ROSE: So while some observations are in the vein of predictable, charmingly so, mind you... ROSE: Others I regard as surprising. ROXY: what about me is surprising? ROSE: Well. ROSE: You aren't, ROSE: You don't quite seem like a person who... ROSE: Er. ROXY: .....? ROSE: I don't want to ask anything that would sound rude to you, or spiteful to her. ROSE: Because I don't feel that conflicted about this anymore. ROSE: Particularly since I had my own troubles with it. So it would be pretty hypocritical. ROXY: conflicted about what? ROSE: Let me back up a little. ROSE: It was a long ride on that meteor. ROSE: One experiences things over a few years, given a lot of time to think. Changes and such. ROSE: About half way through, I started thinking more... ROSE: About mom. And about you. ROSE: Knowing that I'd probably meet you, and. I don't know. Live up to the experience? ROSE: It's silly, but I'm guessing you understand what I mean. ROXY: :) ROSE: Basically, I was just nervous. ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother. ROSE: Who, to my hazy preteen recollection, never wasted a day in my life on sobriety. ROSE: She and her habit put all those days to quite effective use, actually. ROSE: And I don't even quite remember the thought process that led to this, but, ROSE: I sort of ran with it too? ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least. ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her. ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had. ROSE: And on some level, I think connecting with her was also a way of preparing myself to meet you... ROSE: Even though that probably makes no sense. ROSE: Since you aren't literally her, and don't share all her... ROSE: I guess I shouldn't speak for you, though. ROXY: so youre sayin ROXY: youre surprised im unlike her in that way cause i dont seem like someone whod get drunk off her ass all the time? ROSE: Um- ROXY: hahahaha ROXY: well i guess i should be flattered if u rly think so buttttt ROXY: wrong ROSE: So... you, ROXY: my storys kind of like yours! ROXY: i had a mom i never knew and wanted to feel close to her however i could ROXY: i grew up MOSTLY unsupervised in her old old house ROXY: and it had all this old stuff in it plus some old booze squirrelled away here and there ROXY: aaand i just uhhh started up even tho i was WAY too young for shit like that WHOOPS.... ROXY: and like i said it was a bit lite on discipline round then, its not like a buncha silly pumpkin eaters were gonna stop me ROSE: Pumpkin eaters? ROXY: chess guys ROXY: loads of them ROSE: ! ROXY: but yeah i wanted to be like her and do what she did but mostly just made a hot catastrophe of myself ROXY: i doubt that is what she wanted ROXY: at the time it seemed like a cool thing a real intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do while also leading a badass and secretly subversive life in opposition of tyranny ROXY: but ROXY: i think what is more likely is ROXY: she knew the whole world would end and everyone would die no matter what she did ROXY: which was probly hard to live with ROXY: idk if i can blame the old lady for wantin to get a WEE bit sauced after a couple of rapping clowns won a presidential election ROSE: Yeah, I... ROSE: Wait, what? ROSE: Clowns? ROXY: long story ROXY: bad story ROXY: plz continue ROSE: Ok. Yes, I'm sure my mother knew the end was coming too. ROSE: Knowing that helped put a lot of her behavior in context for me. I was always too young to understand. ROXY: poor moms :( ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy lady us :( :( ROSE: Truth. ROXY: but anyway ROXY: back to... us! ROXY: kid alive sexy lady us ROSE: Yes. ROSE: It sounds like your Rose had an incredible career, but all things considered, I prefer being kid alive sexy lady me. ROXY: agree ROXY: i know what you mean about being nervous ROXY: about meeting you i mean ROXY: maybe nervous isnt quite right but ROXY: when i started thinking about meeting u is when i started thinkin... ROXY: i should try being not QUIIITE such a mess ROXY: so i started takin the idea of cleaning up my act more seriously ROSE: Ultimately, I concluded the same thing. ROSE: I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance. ROSE: Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality. ROSE: Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy. ROSE: But it helped a lot to have people around looking out for me. ROSE: *Poke.* KANAYA: ... KANAYA: *Sits Poked* ROXY: yeah i had friends help me too! ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them either ROSE: I never had "IRL" friends before this trip. ROSE: It's interesting to observe the various ways they apply themselves to your benefit. ROSE: Some people are around to make you feel like you're worth sticking with, even when you fuck up. ROSE: And some people are around to kick your ass to make sure you don't. ROXY: haha ROXY: i think i had to play the latter role to my friends a lot ROXY: and also to myself i guess ROXY: who kicked your ass ROXY: was it the yelly guy over there? ROSE: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied with his own... shenanigans. ROSE: The yelling is deceptive. He's a rather private person. ROSE: Vriska, however. ROSE: She really is quite an extravagant bitch. ROXY: lmao ROSE: But it turns out people like that tend to have some convenient assets. ROSE: Such as, the sheer force of personality to keep a bunch of idiots from falling apart. ROSE: Don't get me wrong. It's quite annoying. ROSE: But... useful. ROXY: yeaaah ROXY: i probably should have been more of a bitch to all my peeps ROXY: maybe we wouldnt have gone to jail and died ROSE: Let it be a lesson to us all.