Begin Bard Quest
This is a bard's time to shine!"
Introduce yourself!
At the expense of getting started with your performance right away, you opt for an introduction.
Shine his shoes.
Always eager to think of ways to ingratiate yourself in front of superiors, you notice a spot on the king's shoe.
Keep shining.
Wow, you sure fucked that up fast!
Sing a ballad about the king's beautiful queen
You launch into an absolutely exquisite melodic paean about the king's wife.
Next
The king is a homosexual!
Next
But the double entendre of "queen" suddenly dawns on him.
Next
He appoints you as head dragon slayer of the kindom!
Realize that you probably aren't qualified to slay a dragon
You point out the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
I bet the king really likes it!
It seems the king has heard it before.
To forge Bard Armor +5, of course.
You wander into the city streets to prepare for your questing.
Yeah, go to the smith first and get armor +5
"I can make yer bard armor for you. +5 wot, though?"
+5 Pulchritude
"Why di'n't you say so!
Buy the armor
You don't have enough golds!
+5 Extra Large Dragon Corpse Satchels
The smith wonders if just five satchels will be enough, considering your obvious natural abilities in the field of dragon slaying.
What do you recommend?
He gives you 10 satchels, on the house!
+5 issues of your finest gay porn magazines
Homosexuality is outlawed in this kingdom!
Go into the meat shop to buy 5 bratwurst
You voice your request to the friendly butcher.
Next
"We don't stock dildos here!
Go to the Codsmith and buy an impressively large codpiece.
You set about looking for the local codsmith, or groincobbler as otherwise known sometimes.
Find something that strikes your fancy
Sweet Jesus!
Offer to exchange your hat for the codpiece.
You offer your hat.
Grab the cod piece and run
In an act of understandable desperation, you snatch the piece and scram!
Get the hell out of here!
You find a window to a back alley and dive into the safety of a dumpster.
don the cod piece
You don the cod piece.
Bask in your own glory
You raise your arms in triumph.
Recruit the vagrants as your loyal followers of the codpiece
Your subjects instantly prostrate themselves before the bearer of the great piece.
Codpiece.
Any adventurer would be lucky to begin a quest with your recent acquisitions.
Wait, what are your new servants wearing, exactly?
Just a moment... you start to wonder if the attire of your servants is altogether appropriate?
Better get them pieces.
You don't know why you didn't think of this earlier!
Shop around as if nothing ever happened
Use a little more discretion for god's (cod's) sake
You order your new servants to sneak into Cod Palace and snatch a couple cods that are befitting of a distinguished entourage.
Make a run for it
You flee, but the groin cobbler is hot on your trail!
Go somewhere safe and celebrate
You did it!
Who cares about that, just go kill some dragons
You lead your party outside the town to begin what you can only assume will be an insane dragon murderfest.
Take Flothers and Daunchy to dragon concentration camp
Stupid Flothers!
Search for dragons in your immediate vicinity.
This quest will surely be a long and trying one.
Find a dragon in the caverns of Harold.
Daunchy suggests looking for dragons in the caverns of Harold.
next
Hey, look, the caves of Harold.
Find a dragon in the swamp of mystery
Top notch idea, flothers!
Proceed to the swamp of mystery.
You find yourself in a really moist and smelly swamp.
Do a dance
You rip out one doozy of a silly dance.
[A6I4] ==>
I WILL ACCEPT THE RESILIENT BARD AS MY SERVANT.
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