CG: Troll John.

CG: SEE THIS IS A CASE IN POINT.
EB: what point?
CG: THE POINT I WAS JUST MAKING.
CG: ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.
CG: YOU BLITHERING FECULENT SHITHOLE.
CG: OK THAT'S YOUR CUE TO LAUGH AT ME SOME MORE I GUESS.
CG: BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO REALLY GET OFF WHENEVER I FLAME YOU.
CG: HUMANS ARE DERANGED.
EB: oh man, i must be getting closer to the conversations where you're trolling me harder!
EB: this is pretty exciting, i can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve.
CG: YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??? FUCK YOU ABOUT THAT.
EB: anyway, you weren't making a point about the ultimate riddle, dude.
CG: YES I WAS, AND NOW I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT DIPSHIT.
EB: nope, we never talked about it.
EB: yet...
CG: OH HELL, THAT'S RIGHT.
CG: DAMMIT, I GUESS THIS IS GOING TO BE CONFUSING.
EB: oh, you're just starting to figure that out now?
CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER.
CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT.
CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE.
CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE.
CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS.
EB: oh my god, i know, you've already told me like a million times!!!
CG: I HAVE?
CG: WOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL THESE AMAZING CONVERSATIONS TO TAKE PLACE.
CG: IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE THAT HUMAN VACATION WITH THE GIANT RED CHIMNEY ASSHOLE UP IN HERE.
CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHERE A BUNCH OF MOANY NOOKSUCKERS SING AT A LITTLE PINE TREE I THINK.
EB: man, i've got to say i'm a little disappointed by this "masterful trolling" you were bragging about.
CG: I WAS BRAGGING?
CG: WHY WOULD I BOTHER WITH THAT SORT OF PEDANTIC HUMAN HORSESHIT.
CG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THAT I WAS BRAGGING TO GET YOUR HOPES UP IN THE FUTURE.
CG: ONLY TO LET YOU DOWN.
CG: AND THUS TROLL YOU MASTERFULLY IN THAT RESPECT.
EB: maybe, but that would be pretty weak too!!!
CG: YOUR BRITTLE HUMAN CALCIUM BASED SKULL IS WHAT IS WEAK, AND IF YOU AND I WERE IN THE PROXIMITY OF A BLUNT INSTRUMENT I WOULDN'T HAVE MUCH TROUBLE PROVING IT.
EB: w/e.
EB: so what was the "case in point" you were making, anyway?
CG: I WAS SCROLLING BACK AND NOTICED YOU WERE IN THE VEIL.
EB: whoa, i am?
CG: YEAH DUMBDUMB, YOU'RE TUMBLING AROUND ON A BIG GODDAMN METEOR.
CG: AND YOU JUST CREATED YOUNGER VERSIONS OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR GUARDIANS.
CG: PROBABLY BY MUCKING AROUND WITH THAT THING LIKE A DOOFUS.
EB: wait...
EB: these are baby versions of us?
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, SO CLUELESS.
CG: WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING THERE ANYWAY.
EB: well...
EB: i saw footage of my nanna, and some other people who i am pretty sure were like jade's grandpa and rose's mom and stuff from a long time ago.
EB: and then...
EB: there were all these little guys scurrying around.
EB: so they are like cloned copies of us?
CG: NO.
CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS.
CG: PARADOX CLONES.
EB: huh?
EB: what do you mean they are literally us?
EB: do they go back in time?
CG: YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. GREAT GUESS BRAIN HERO.
CG: BUT TECHNICALLY THEY AREN'T EVEN SENT BACK IN TIME BECAUSE WITH RESPECT TO THE MEDIUM YOUR UNIVERSE'S TIMELINE IS MEANINGLESS.
CG: SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD IT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT EARTH'S PAST OR FUTURE OR WHATEVER, FROM IT'S PERSPECTIVE IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF POINTS TO CHOOSE FROM.
CG: JUST LIKE YOUR CHRONOLOGY IS FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE.
CG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S A BUNCH OF SEMANTICS. WITH RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONAL CHRONOLOGY YEAH THEY GO BACK IN TIME.
CG: A PARADOX CLONE IS BY DEFINITION A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED.
CG: IF IT'S A MALFORMED CLONE, IT'S JUST A MEANINGLESS MUTANT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE STABLE LOOP CONTINUUM.
CG: I DON'T SEE ANY TENTACLES OR EXTRA EYEBALLS OR WARPED BONE BULGES, SO THOSE GROSS LITTLE THINGS THERE ARE ALL YOU GUYS, WAITING TO GO TO EARTH AND GROW UP AND BECOME THE INSIPID BUNCH OF GRUBFISTED DOUCHEBAGS YOU ALL ARE NOW.
CG: AND THIS WAS THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.
EB: what is the riddle anyway?
EB: maybe i can guess, i am good at riddles!
CG: HAHAHA, THINK AGAIN IGNORAMUS.
CG: IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GREAT.
CG: OR EVEN MUCH OF A RIDDLE AT ALL.
CG: IN THE COURSE OF YOUR ADVENTURE YOU WOULD HAVE ENCOUNTERED ALL THESE FRAGMENTS OF LIKE WEIRD POEMS AND SHIT.
CG: YOU FIND THEM ALONG YOUR QUESTS, WITH CLUES AND STUFF BURIED IN THEM TO HELP YOU SOLVE PUZZLES AND MOVE HUGE STONE COLUMNS AND MAKE STAIRCASES APPEAR AND LOTS OF NONSENSE LIKE THAT.
CG: AND IT'S ALL MASKED IN THIS FLOWERY SORT OF FROTHY POETIC JACKASSERY THAT NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT.
CG: AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILING IT FOR YOU.
CG: BUT WHAT ALL THESE LOFTY SYMBOLIC ALLUSIONS BOIL DOWN TO IS SOME GRANDER STATEMENT ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE HAPPENING HERE.
CG: THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS THE KEY TO SEEDING YOUR OWN EXISTENCE THROUGH THIS GAME.
CG: AND ANY HOPE THAT IT COULD HAVE PLAYED OUT DIFFERENTLY OR THAT YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE MESS WAS ALWAYS JUST A RUSE.
EB: a distaction, perhaps?
CG: WHAT?
EB: nevermind.
CG: BECAUSE IF IT DIDN'T GO DOWN THIS WAY THEN HOW WERE YOU EVEN BORN, GET IT.
CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE.
CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.
CG: ACTUALLY IT'S SORT OF HILARIOUS.
CG: OR IT WOULD BE IF IT DIDN'T AFFECT ME PERSONALLY.
CG: BUT ANYWAY, THERE'S A LOT MORE TO THE RIDDLE THAN JUST THAT, LIKE WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT LAST TIME WE TALKED.
CG: BUT THAT'S SORT OF THE GIST OF THE THEMES IT DEALS WITH.
EB: ok.
EB: well, if i run into some salamanders who tell me all about this riddle and get really excited about it, i will try to act surprised.
EB: so this is the same kind of thing you went through?
EB: with, like, being your own paradox clones and creating your own parents and stuff?
CG: YEAH.
EB: how did that even work, with 12 of you?
CG: IT WAS REALLY FUCKING COMPLICATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO IT.
CG: OUR FAMILY STRUCTURES ARE ALREADY WAY MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOURS WITHOUT EVEN GETTING SPOOKY TIME SLIME INVOLVED.
CG: BASICALLY WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WHATSOEVER.
CG: EXCEPT MAYBE THIS...
CG: I WAS THE GUY IN YOUR POSITION, TO MAKE ALL THESE CLONES, AND FRANKLY IT ALL KIND OF FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT.
EB: huh...
EB: yeah, i guess now that you mention it, i am finding it all a little strange...
CG: OH, ONLY JUST NOW???
CG: FUCK YOU ARE FAST, I HOPE YOU GOT THE MAD BOONBUCKS TO PAY OFF THOSE SPEEDING TICKETS.
EB: no, no, i mean the ghost stuff and paradoxes are one thing of course...
EB: it's something else.
EB: it's just...
EB: this is really weird...
CG: WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT IT.
EB: well, normally humans hatch...
EB: from like these slimy pods.
EB: then we wriggle out as a little pink larva.
CG: OH REALLY.
CG: HUH, MAYBE WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT.
EB: (hehehehehehehe)
CG: MAYBE THOSE REALLY ARE MUTANT CLONES AND THEY AREN'T GOING BACK TO SEED YOUR PLANET???
EB: um...
EB: sure...?
CG: HELL, I'M CONFUSED NOW.
CG: NOT THAT I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR POINTLESS AWFUL LIVES.
EB: hey, i have an idea.
EB: why don't you get back to me in a few minutes?
EB: i mean like a few minutes of my time, not yours.
EB: all of these little pink monkeys are getting way out of line and i have to tend to them.
EB: if you message me in a couple minutes, we can continue conversing in a sane, linear fashion for a change!
CG: UM, OK?
EB: and then after that you can keep going backwards and then make fun of me riding my little red rocket.
EB: you can tell me i look like a silly little paradox clone fresh out of my slime tube and this is just all a big nurseytime recess jamboree.
EB: that would burn me good!
CG: OK THAT IS PRETTY GOOD.
CG: BUT I CAN'T USE IT, BECAUSE YOU SAID IT, AND THEN LATER, I.E. RIGHT NOW, YOU WOULD GET THE SATISFACTION OF KNOWING YOU WERE THE ONE TO COME UP WITH THAT BURN.
CG: SEE, YOU ARE DEALING WITH A PRO, YOU CAN'T OUT TROLL ME SO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT AND STOP TRYING.
EB: (hehehehehehehehehehehe)

> John: Tend to little pink monkeys.
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