Equius: Read first memo.

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6:12 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

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PCG 6:12 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

PCG: OK I THINK I SET THIS UP RIGHT.
PCG: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER BOARD NAME.
PCG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE NAME IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SINCE THAT'S THE NAME THAT
PCG: UH
PCG: I ALREADY READ.
PCG: WOW THAT PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANYBODY.
PCG: WHATEVER, IT'S JUST A STUPID NAME, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
PCG: THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN USING TROLLIAN'S WEIRD TRANSTIMELINE FEATURES WHICH I DON'T EVEN REALLY UNDERSTAND YET.
PCG: BUT I'M GUESSING MIGHT BE USEFUL.
PCG: I'VE INCLUDED ALL TWELVE PLAYERS IN THE SUBSCRIPTION LIST SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE ABLE TO READ THESE MEMOS AT ANY TIME.
PCG: THAT IS, ALL THE MEMOS POSTED, PAST AND FUTURE. I THINK.
PCG: IT COULD GET PRETTY TEMPORALLY CONFUSING OBVIOUSLY. I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE MEMOS AS SIMPLE AND LINEAR AS POSSIBLE.
PCG: ALSO LET'S KEEP THIS A ONE-WAY-ONLY BULLETIN TO MAKE THIS AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE.
PCG: DO NOT REPLY TO MY MEMOS!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHATROOM, ASSHOLES.
PCG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME IN RESPONSE TO A MEMO, MESSAGE ME IN PRIVATE AT THE APPROPRIATE POINT ON THE TIMELINE.
PCG: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT THE TEAMS.
PCG: AS OF NOW, YOU SHOULD ALL BE AWARE THAT THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE TEAM, AND WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER.
PCG: AND BY "NOW" I MEAN TIME LOCAL TO ME AS OF WRITING THIS.
PCG: SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE PAST...
PCG: UH OK FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE ALREADY? SECOND WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME.
PCG: WHATEVER I DIGRESS.
PCG: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE THEN WHO CARES, IT'S PROBABLY OLD NEWS TO YOU.
PCG: ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT READING THIS IN THE FUTURE?
PCG: IT'S LIKE ANY BULLETIN BOARD, YOU POST STUFF AND IT SITS THERE FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE IN "THE FUTURE" READ IT.
PCG: HUH. BIG FUCKING DEAL I GUESS.
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 5:51 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PGC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!
PGC: WHO C4R3S!!!!! >:O
PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.
PCG: ANYWAY LIKE I WAS SAYING.
PCG: ONE BIG TEAM, OVER WHICH I HAVE ASSUMED TOTAL LEADERSHIP.
PCG: I WILL ASSUME THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO STAY THIS WAY FOR THE DURATION OF OUR QUEST, AND THAT I WILL REMAIN AN IMPECCABLE LEADER FOR A SPAN OF HUNDREDS OF HOURS WHILE I GUIDE US ALL TO A STUNNING VICTORY.
PCG: IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASSUME.
PCG: I BROWSED THROUGH THIS WHOLE BULLETIN IN ADVANCE, AND IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE CASE. GO ME.
PCG: IN FACT, SINCE I'VE SEEN WHAT I WILL WRITE IN THE FUTURE, I WONDER WHAT IMPETUS I WILL HAVE FOR WRITING IT LATER WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO?
PCG: I WONDER IF I COULD JUST COPY/PASTE IT... HOLD ON.
PCG: DAMN.
PCG: I GUESS THEY THOUGHT OF THAT? I DUNNO. I TRIED TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE BULLETIN AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING, I CAN'T SEE THE WHOLE THING ANYMORE.
PCG: UNLESS I LOOK AT IT ON ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS...
PCG: OR MAYBE IF YOU SEND ME LIKE A TEXT FILE OF IT? WOULD THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING?
PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS SO STUPID.
PCG: I ACTUALLY REMEMBER READING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO, AND NOW HERE I AM TYPING IT ANYWAY.
PCG: I PROBABLY CAN'T AVOID TYPING ANY OF THIS, HOW WEIRD IS THAT.
PCG: I HATE TIME TRAVEL.
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 0:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PTA: eheheheheh KK iim ba2iically ju2t lmao here at thii2, WOW.
PCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED.
PTA: dude don't worry ii wont fuck up your memo for long, ii ju2t cant beliieve thii2 wa2 the biig rea2on you wanted "future me" two help you open tho2e port2.
PTA: two ba2iically ju2t babble about paradoxe2 and argue wiith your2elf for hundred2 of page2 heheheh.
PCG: OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS FROM LIKE 5 HOURS IN THE FUTURE JUST TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME, NICE.
PCG: WELL THANKS FOR THE HELP, SO WHEN DO I BAN YOU, FUTURE BOY?
PTA: a few liine2 down, after ii pretend liike iim goiing two diie.
PTA: iim 2ure for a laugh on account of my iimmiinent banniing, FUCK how could you even do that two me.
PTA: 2o cold man.
PCG: ARE YOU REALLY STILL SORE AT ME FIVE HOURS LATER FOR RUNNING THAT VIRUS, GOD DAMN GET OVER IT.
PCG: IT WAS YOUR FUCKING VIRUS ANYWAY, YOU'RE TO BLAME.
PTA: eheh no bro we're cool about that, now future you ii2 connectiing wiith me 2o ii can enter the game.
PCG: OH YEAH?
PTA: yeah 2o thank2 for that fiive hour2 iin advance.
PCG: THIS IS BS ISN'T IT.
PCG: TROLLING ME FROM THE FUTURE, HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET.
PTA: no man iit2 true, we are bulge bumpiing pupa pal2 agaiin.
PCG: OH FUCK THIS CONDESCENDING FUTURE KNOWITALL ACT, WE AREN'T BUMPING SHIT, YOU ARE SO BANNED.
PTA: nooooooo, not the ban, it buuuuuuurn2, oh god hahahaha.
PTA: waiit.
PTA: oh god.
PTA: iit doe2 burn.
PTA: 2omethiing'2 wrong, iim 2eriiou2!
PTA: that horriible p2ychiic noii2e
PTA: the voiice2
PTA: they're all goiing two diie
PTA: oh 2HiiT iim bleediing
PTA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
PTA: thii2 ii2 bad
PTA: ii have two get her iin quiick
PTA: got two go
PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.
PCG: AND SO THE PORCINE HOOF BELONGING TO THE SWOLLEN HAG KNOWN AS LADY DESTINY HAS STOMPED ANOTHER THROAT.
PCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS IS NEXT?
PCG: NOBODY???
PCG: OK, GOOD.
PCG: ALTHOUGH I'M FAIRLY SURE I REMEMBER SOMEONE ELSE CHIMING IN BEFORE I CLOSED THIS MEMO.
PCG: YOU ADD DISORDERED SHIT RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF THE ROE HOLE, CAN YOU.
PCG: SOLLUX, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, OR PAST REFERENCE OR WHATEVER
PCG: IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT KIND OF ROLEPLAYING, YOU CAN START YOUR OWN BULLETIN.
PCG: YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME.
PCG: EVERYONE WILL BE SO CONFUSED BY THE TIME PARADOXES, IT WILL DISTRACT THEM FROM HOW AWFUL THEIR TERRIBLE HOBBIES ARE.
PCG: CHOOSE YOUR CLASSES NOW! LEVEL 69 NOOKSNIFFER IS UP FOR GRABS, WHO WANTS IT.
PCG: NO THAT'S NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU FUCKING NERDS TO COME IN HERE AND CORRECT ME ON YOUR GODDAMN FAIRY ELVES.
PCG: JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME BANNED FROM THAT ONE OK.
PCG: I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR IF YOU NERD UP MY MEMOS, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FUCKING NERDS ARE ON THIS TEAM.
PCG: JUST REMEMBER THIS IS MY PERSONAL PODIUM, A STUMP IF YOU WILL, FOR SOLE USE BY ME AS LEADER FOR IMPORTANT LEADERSHIP BUSINESS.
PCG: GOT IT?????????
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 612 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: GROAN.
FCG: THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
FCG: WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.
PCG: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
PCG: OK, I'M FED UP WITH THIS MEMO, GONNA CLOSE IT OUT.
PCG: YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN LATER WHEN I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, I.E. JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU DOUCHE.
PCG: IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE ALREADY.
PCG: BECAUSE OF
PCG: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEL!
PCG: I KNOW, RIGHT?
PCG: ANYWAY, JUST TO REITERATE:
PCG: FULL STEAM AHEAD
PCG: LEADER = ME FOREVER, OBVIOUSLY
PCG: PEACE THE FUCK OUT DBAGS
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCT: D --> I'd like to add to this useless memorandum
CCT: D --> That I still don't recognize the validity of your leadership
PCG: SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S OOZING VESTIGIAL THIRD ORAL SPHINCTER.
PCG: HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO STUPID.
CCT: D --> It may be true that we are all playing in the same session, but I see no reason to disband the former power structure
CCT: D --> Especially if it means instituting a tactical midget with a short fuse, a foul mouth, and paralyzing insecurity over the color of his b100d
CCT: D --> That's all I have to say
PCG: OH I HAVE A SHORT FUSE! THAT'S VERY FUNNY, YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR ME LAUGH OVER THE SOUND OF THE ROBOT YOU ARE PROBABLY BEATING TO DEATH.
PCG: OR DOING WORSE TO.
PCG: HEY, YOU DO KISS YOUR ROBOTS, RIGHT?
CCT: D --> Uh
PCG: MIGHT AS WELL CLEAR THE AIR AS LONG AS WE'RE BROADCASTING THIS ACROSS THE ENTIRE SPACETIME CONTINUUM.
CCT: D --> Not usually
PCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PCG: THE FUNNY THING IS IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE UNDISPUTED LEADER, EVEN YOU.
PCG: YOU WILL BE STANDING ON THE TIPPYTOES OF YOUR IDIOTIC METAL SHOES, TAKING DELICATE PURCHASE OF MY NUBBY HORNS AND HOISTING YOURSELF OVER MY HEAD TO PUT YOUR SWEATIEST TOUGH GUY SMOOCH UPON MY TWITCHING SPINE LUMP.
PCG: IT WILL BE TENDER AND DEFERENTIAL, LIKE A PAUPER KISSING A NOBLE'S RING.
PCG: JUST SCROLL DOWN, READ THE LOGS.
CCT: D --> Nowhere have I seen evidence of this
CCT: D --> Most of this is you from various points in time raving about nonsense and arguing with yourself
CCT: D --> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke
CCT: D --> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity
CCT: D --> It seems I'm the one to inform you of this up front
CCT: D --> Which is likely why you persist with the ingratiating charade against better judgement
PCG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU
CCT: D --> What do you mean
PCG: THIS EXCITES YOU, BEING THE TOUGH GUY AND PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING THE AWESOME LEADER IN HIS PLACE.
PCG: YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING UP A GOOD SWEAT.
PCG: HOPE YOU ALCHEMIZED A BUNCH OF SPARE TOWELS.
PCG: HEY WHY DON'T YOU && THEM WITH YOUR SPONGEY BRAIN FOR EXTRA ABSORBENCY.
CCT: D --> How do you know about my perspiration problem
CCT: D --> I mean, aside from reading about it in this memo
CCT: D --> Wait
CCT: D --> Fudgesicles
PCG banned CCT from responding to memo.

PCG closed memo.

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