Jane: Answer Lalonde.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

TG: jane
TG: hey
TG: jaaaney
TG: ansrew plz
TG: *answer
TG: jaaaaaaaaaane
GG: Omg.
GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds!
GG: Where have you been today?
TG: nowhere just chilling here
TG: when all of the sudden
GG: "All of a sudden."
TG: when all of the sudden
TG: it hits me
TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about
GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day.
TG: it hits me that
TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon
TG: just a few days before mine remembr
TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen
GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.
TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him
TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk
TG: but not like anything coming on too strong
TG: something that says
TG: this is totes platonic and everything
TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here
TG: but still says you know
TG: call me
TG: if you wanna
GG: Grrr.
GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.
TG: ahaha
TG: yeah
TG: the goat getting thing i mean
TG: but joking oh no i think not
TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend
TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????
TG: daaaaamn
TG: that rugged senseof adventure
TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like
TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware
TG: those adorbable teeth
TG: swoooooooooon <3
GG: Nooooo, stop. :(
TG: well shit jane
TG: what am i even supposed to do
TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!!
TG: *buncha goddamn typos
TG: shit suuucks
TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one
TG: *one
TG: *on
GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!
GG: And you're drunk. :P
TG: correction
TG: drinking
TG: prensent tense
TG: grammar jane
GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.
TG: oh jane
TG: so naive
TG: soooo niaev
GG: Lordy.
GG: How can you be this fargone so early?
GG: It isn't even noon yet.
TG: you forget we live in very different time zones
TG: its a lot later here
GG: You're three hours ahead of me!
TG: youd would be amazed
TG: how much can happen
TG: in 3 hours
GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you?
TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit
TG: i mean
TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place
TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably
TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like
TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me
TG: *aggressive
TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play
GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze."
TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup
TG: pppp mcuh
GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this.
GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better!
GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.
TG: watcha waiting for
TG: in the mail
TG: is something happening today or something
GG: &%#$@!!!
GG: The alpha!
GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless.
TG: oh yeah
TG: that thing
GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes?
TG: i guess
TG: but
TG: you sure you even want to play this thing
TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do
GG: Not this again.
TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying
TG: i know what a chump looks like
TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw
TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll
TG: which is like this real actual thing i maintain
TG: intsead of being a joke
TG: is that waht you want
TG: *want
GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST!
GG: It is an idiotic urban legend.
GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.
GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.
TG: right
TG: as
TG: you know
TG: an alter ego
TG: for somethig more sinister
GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.
GG: In any case, I don't understand the nature of this second guessing, besides chalking it up to your unwelcome inebriation.
GG: We had agreed you would play with me. You sounded excited about it!
GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet??
TG: um
TG: heh
TG: yes "obtianed"
TG: suuure did
GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume?
TG: oh you bet
TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all
TG: said jackpot like
TG: a BUNCH of times
TG: all those
TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps
TG: backdoor trojans and what not
TG: were no match
TG: 4 mai codez
TG: snicker
GG: :|
GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one.
TG: ok jane what im saying is that
TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off
TG: is that
TG: it was a fuckin cakewake
TG: **cakewalk
GG: Oh.
TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew
TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful
TG: which i AM but
TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded
TG: it was just
TG: some files
TG: that were there
TG: unsecured
TG: and i took them
TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice
TG: then applied lipstick
TG: femme fatale style
TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files
GG: Really?
TG: yeah
TG: so now
TG: i got it
TG: if u really wanna play
TG: which you shouldnt
GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary.
TG: i told you
TG: she wants you to play
TG: wants us all to
TG: part of her BIG PLANS
TG: and ur playing right into em
TG: like
TG: a
TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....
GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.
GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is,
GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play.
GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?
TG: dunno
TG: someone out their wants the stock price to take a hit?
GG: "there"
TG: orrrr
TG: its just more connivings of the witch
GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die?
GG: Makes a lot of sense!
TG: wouldnt put it past her
TG: makes you feel perpsecuted
TG: redoubles your determination to play
TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way
TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to
TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo
TG: and then
TG: she expends you
TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch
GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute!
TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max
TG: ill send this file to you tho and what you do wiht its up to you
TG: so you want it now or what
GG: Hm. It's tempting, and I'm curious as heck to play it.
GG: But the mail should be coming any minute! I've waited this long for it, so I might as well use the official discs addressed to me.
GG: When it comes, I do hope you'll change your tune.
GG: Not to mention brew yourself a pot of coffee and sober your drunk butt up.
TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk
TG: makr my barley corerent words
GG: Hoo hoo! Ok, fair enough.
GG: But I believe that when we start playing together, you'll come around.
GG: Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement over it.
GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"
TG: jane
GG: Yes?
TG: jaaaane
GG: What!
TG: jane
TG: did u know
TG: that i am uttrely
TG: with the fact that
TG: i have a best friend
TG: who says things
TG: like
TG: shucks buster
GG: Shoosh you, drunky! :B
GG: Oh...
GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
TG: wtf
GG: The thing.
GG: The flappy thing!

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