Jake: Message your good bro.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

GT: Bro.
GT: Ahem.
GT: Are you there?
GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately...
TT: State your business, Jake.
GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation.
GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.
GT: It has just been...
GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner.
GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie.
GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.*
GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!
TT: Take it easy, bromide.
TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.
TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,
TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time.
TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity.
TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.
GT: I...
GT: Oh. Yes! But of course.
GT: The ironies!
GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.
GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.*
GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!*
GT: Um.
GT: Yeah.
TT: Ok, nice.
TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so,
TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.
TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No?
GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff.
GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already.
GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention.
GT: However...
GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean!
GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.*
TT: You are out of uranium.
TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.
GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.
GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry!
TT: You do know my offer still stands.
GT: What?
TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.
GT: Oh i know you would its just...
GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself.
GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!
TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud.
TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.
TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.
GT: Frig!!!!!
GT: Why not???
TT: It's too easy.
TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this.
TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts.
GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it!
GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask?
GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it!
TT: Nope. Not buying it.
TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.
TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located.
GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.
TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche.
TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.
GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking!
GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud???
TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud.
TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas.
GT: Wait...
GT: "It seems"??
TT: What?
GT: Oh for fucks sake.
TT: Is something the matter, Jake?
GT: This is your auto responder.

> ==>
Advertisement