Jake: Solicit profound wisdom from your friendly guide.
JAKE: SIIIIIGH. ERISOLSPRITE: no. JAKE: Oh! Hey there buddy i nearly forgot you were bobbing about over there what with my emotional dilemmas. ERISOLSPRITE: oh plea2e, a2 iif that loud heavvy 2iigh wwa2nt 2o obvviiou2ly diirected at gettiin my take on your 2HIITTY, BORIING boyfriiend problem2. JAKE: Heheheh. Was i really so transparent? JAKE: Youre a good man mr erisol. A good man with a good heart. Im lucky to have you as a friend. ERISOLSPRITE: no, you bloody iimbeciile. ERISOLSPRITE: ii am not a good man, ii dont havve a good heart, and iim not your fuckiin friiend. ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink you may be the dumbe2t liivviin beiing ii havve evver encountered. ERISOLSPRITE: ii dont evven knoww wwhy ii bothered floatiing dowwn thii2 liittle gra22y gulch twwo fliip you the daiily biird. ii mu2t be out of my already tortured pan twwo bother wwiith ANY of you ovveremotiional fuckbag2. JAKE: I suppose its true. You can be a bit of a surly customer. JAKE: I dont hold it against you though. You have always been a wonderful source of amusement and companionship in this desolate place. ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww, iit2 cool ii amu2e you, that really giivve2 meaniing to my joke of an exii2tence, ii mean WWOWW, thank2. JAKE: Sure thing. JAKE: Im just not sure who else to talk to about my issues with dirk. ERISOLSPRITE: ok, wwhy dont you giivve thii2 per2on a wwhiirl: NOT ME? JAKE: Im so conflicted. Ive enjoyed our time together and all the adventures weve had over the last few months. JAKE: But as a paramour he has been overbearing to say the least. I dont know if i have the gumption to withstand another round of needy overtures. JAKE: What do you think sir sprite? Should i put the old kibash on the affair? ERISOLSPRITE: ii hate howw you 2ay evverythiing. howw can he 2tand you. JAKE: Although frankly that prospect alone sounds arduous. JAKE: I wouldnt even know what to say to the poor fella. JAKE: You are my mystical guide on this adventure! What perchance might you advise? ERISOLSPRITE: alriight you wwant 2ome redrom coun2el, wwell here you go. ERISOLSPRITE: iim of the miind2et that wwhen you havve a rock 2oliid piiece of a22 tiied twwo the dock, you dont bloody wwell tug the knot loo2e and 2hovve the fucker off wwiith the heel a your boot. ERISOLSPRITE: but then another part of me ju2t wwonder2 wwhat the FUCK ii ju2t 2aiid there? liike that wwa2 ju2t 2uch a wweiird 2ociiopathiic thought ii had, ii hone2tly had no iidea howw bad ii could po22iibly feel about my2elf untiil ii BECAME my2elf, iif THAT make2 2en2e. ERISOLSPRITE: your bro ha2 feeliin2 twwo con2iider, he2 not 2ome 2liice of grub2teak. wwhy are you con2ultiing wwiith me, iim a dii2a2ter. no iim a dii2a2ter that 2hiit iit2 emotiional pant2 wwiith thiick liiquiid CATA2TROPHE, 2o dont evven come near me. JAKE: Oh mr erisol. You are in rare form today. ERISOLSPRITE: fuck you jake. iim not funny. ii havve no actual clue wwhy you thiink iim 2o funny, 2o PII22 OFF. JAKE: HAHAHAHAHAHA! ERISOLSPRITE: ii 2hould havve exploded my2elf the moment he 2pawwned me. ERISOLSPRITE: evvery day iim wwonderiin wwhy ii havvent blowwn my2elf up yet. ERISOLSPRITE: one tiime ii thiink ii almo2t diid? ERISOLSPRITE: then ii ju2t thought... ERISOLSPRITE: MEH. ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink the truth ii2 deep dowwn ii mu2t lovve 2ufferiin. ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t liike you and wwhat2 hii2 face and your TRAINWRECK of a mate2priit2hiip. JAKE: STOP! STOP!!! MY SIDES. JAKE: Your act is too rich. Thanks buddy this is cheering me up at least a little. ERISOLSPRITE: 2hut up. ERISOLSPRITE: oh and you knoww wwhat el2e ii2 fliippiin BULL2HIIT? ERISOLSPRITE: thii2 hoax that youre iimplyiin there2 no one el2e twwo talk twwo about thii2. ERISOLSPRITE: TALK TWWO A MEMBER OF YOUR OWWN FUCKIIN 2PECIIE2 FOR A CHANGE. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat about crocker. try ruiiniin her day wwiith your wwii2hy wwa2hy rubbii2h. JAKE: Youre right. I really should catch up with Janey. JAKE: Its been a while since we spoke. It does seem like more and more im the one to get in touch with her. JAKE: I do hope she hasnt tired too badly of listening to my problems. The last thing i want is to give the impression that everything revolves around my various romantic hurdles. ERISOLSPRITE: revvolvve around? iit2 a biit late for that jake. ERISOLSPRITE: your flu2hed quadrant ii2 a black hole and wwe are all beiing dragged 2creamiin through iit2 evvent horiizon. ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t talk twwo jane, and nevver fuckiin look at me agaiin for the re2t of your liife. ERISOLSPRITE: iim leavviing. hey here2 one for the road. JAKE: Ah! There she blows. Your favorite finger of all. JAKE: You sure do love showing that one to people. Its actually become a vaguely comforting gesture. ERISOLSPRITE: you knoww wwhat youvve done jake. ERISOLSPRITE: you havve totally RUIINED the act of fliippiin people off. ERISOLSPRITE: iit wwa2 the one joy ii had left. ii hope youre happy. JAKE: Boy howdy!!!