ROSE: This is the lightning round, Dave. ROSE: We didn't make the rules. ROSE: Anyway, I'm ready to blow my Referee's Sport Whistle™ if you don't answer before the Commercially Endorsed Game Clock expires. DAVE: i think the lightning rounds over DAVE: why dont we have a distraction to seal the deal DAVE: hey mom i think harleydad over there is talkin about you ROXY: jake? ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right ROXY: gotta go catch up with him soon... ROXY: ill wave hello for now DAVE: i dont think hes noticing ROXY: dammit jake look over here u goof ROXY: gonna start a fire here will all this friendly wavin DAVE: nope hes completely out to lunch DAVE: just like all the harleyberts ROXY: HIIIII JAKE ROXY: JAKE ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI JAKE: Oh. JAKE: Um sorry. JAKE: H... hi roxy. JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that. ROXY: :D DAVE: thats it? DAVE: hes right back at it with the bull guy DAVE: whats with him DAVE: he reminds me a lot of john but really quiet which is very unjohnish ROXY: jakes great! ROXY: but yeah hes not like that all the time ROXY: he is p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he doesnt like crowds much ROXY: he became sort of a hermit after a few months in our session ROXY: he mainly hung out with dirk until he eventually sorta shut him out too ROXY: dude just likes his lonesome time i guess? DAVE: ill try gettin to know him some time DAVE: maybe trap him like a shy woodland creature DAVE: then brutally harangue him with my typically rad shit and become airtight bros DAVE: right there in the fucking woods DAVE: exactly how nature intended ROXY: omg yes ROXY: i will help u rig your jakesnares ROXY: maybe leave some hunky dudebait, like a trail of microshorts sprinkled thru out the forest DAVE: awesome thanks mom DAVE: roxy i mean ROSE: Dave, even I'm having less trouble referring to Roxy by her name consistently, and I was the one who grew up knowing her as my literal mother. ROSE: What is going on with you? DAVE: nothing DAVE: its just like semi accidentally replacing a word with another word in a majority of instances DAVE: why do you need to read things into everything ROSE: You're right. How could anyone possibly read anything into that sort of repeated slip-up. DAVE: exactly ROSE: What if you're making her uncomfortable? ROXY: its fine really! ROXY: i think it is sorta endearing DAVE: see rose yall worrying about nothing as usual DAVE: moms fine with it DAVE: moxy ROXY: snort DAVE: i mean DAVE: romy DAVE: mommy DAVE: wait fuck DAVE: ok that one was fucked up DAVE: lets make sure i never ever fucking say that again ROXY: im dyin here ROXY: dave...stoppit ROXY: im a sphyxiate DAVE: i cant DAVE: its like i was saying before DAVE: this is a force of nature we all gotta just deal with DAVE: striders blurtscapades DAVE: daves flying boner circus DAVE: this shit is immutable DAVE: i had to face this fact a long time ago DAVE: i could either try to change that part of myself which is an unwinnable war DAVE: or i could try focusing on being like a vaguely half decent person so at least the shit i inevitably blurt out from deep down isnt all that bad DAVE: because the bad stuff has been and is still being purged through an arduous long term process of complete and utter humiliation ROXY: man ROXY: arduous long term processes of complete and utter humiliation are basically my aesthetic ROXY: anyways you are a silly dude and its ok if u keep callin me mom on "accident" :) ROSE: I hope it is similarly ok with you if I make the conscious decision to refrain from calling you that ever. ROSE: Unlike Dave, I've taken great pride in the meticulous maintenance of my internal filter. ROSE: I don't think I have the same luxury he does. ROSE: Humiliation just makes my demons angrier. ROXY: yeah rose call me whatev! ROXY: but um lmao you got a way of makin that sound legit scary DAVE: its fucked up that shes joking but also not even really DAVE: youll figure out how to crack her deadpan riddles theres an art to it ROXY: you guys... ROXY: an ur friggin psycho babble! ROXY: its a riot ROXY: suddenly feelin like maybe im the weak link in this family tree on the analytical front ROXY: need to step up my game ROSE: To be fair, Dave's game is pretty flimsy. ROSE: He's been jacking my swagger for years. He only pulls it off because he's funny. ROSE: And to be even fairer, I'm not actually much of a psychoanalyst. ROSE: I know just enough to know that I barely know anything, and probably would have benefited from, I don't know, "college", or something. ROXY: ok whew i feel a bit less lame then ROXY: i remember dirks insane scrutinization of all things cerebral had a similar way of dwarfing ones ego ROXY: maybe that was smoke in mirrors too idk ROXY: maybe since he and i are ur parents, in terms of psycho skillz... ROXY: hes got ALL genes and i got NONE ROXY: so that means dave got SOME genes and rose got LOTS?? ROXY: wherein SOME is more than NONE and LOTS is less than ALL ROXY: ??? ROSE: That's quite a scientific way of looking at it. ROSE: Maybe it's even true? ROXY: yeah i fuken LOVE SCIENCE!!! DAVE: ok then that explains everything ROXY: what DAVE: if you got all the science genes then that means some scraped off on me DAVE: which would explain why my beats are so ill DAVE: its cause my science is off the charts ROSE: Holy shit. ROSE: Can someone come push this nerd off the lilypad? ROXY: dat explanation tho ROXY: :') ROSE: Cringeworthy rap notwithstanding, ROSE: I do recall hearing him babble about wanting to be a scientist on more than one occasion. ROSE: If the world hadn't ended. ROSE: What was it? Archeology? Paleontology? DAVE: yeah i dunno DAVE: one of those things DAVE: whichever involved more dead shit DAVE: maybe ROXY: paleontology!! ROXY: u wanted to study that? DAVE: i sincerely mumbled about the idea once or twice sure ROXY: thats neat ROXY: what about you rose ROXY: did u actually want to be a legit psychiatrist and go to school for that and all? ROSE: I don't recall my thoughts on higher education. ROSE: My passion for the subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young girl with misplaced conviction in her abilities. ROSE: I probably thought I could just figure it all out myself and skip the academic coronation. ROSE: I don't think much about it anymore. ROSE: Possibly because there's no one left to analyze, except for the modest population of this frog disc. ROXY: what would you want to do with your life instead? ROXY: i mean assuming there were no more evildoers to worry about ROSE: I don't know. ROSE: What is there even to consider doing with godhood BUT concern oneself with evildoers? DAVE: what about your quest ROSE: Hm? DAVE: the shit with your planet and the rain and stuff DAVE: wasnt there still something to do there ROSE: I... guess so? ROXY: yeah ROXY: i did mine! ROXY: or at least a version of it specific to my situation ROXY: i get the feelin they change around and such depending on what the lay of the land is ROXY: my reality was fucked so my denizen just kinda... rerouted me ROXY: nothin too fancy DAVE: yeah exactly DAVE: i did this really stilted like mashup of what i assume my "real quest" was DAVE: like involving breaking a sword and UNbreaking a sword and a fuckin BIRD was involved and then the bird unceremoniously DIED somewhere DAVE: it was kind of a mess DAVE: like me i guess so maybe that made sense DAVE: who knows what yours would have in store for you now DAVE: i mean DAVE: if you even wanted to bother ROSE: I'm not sure if I have the inclination, and realistically, there isn't even much time for that, is there? ROSE: We're supposed to be fighting adversaries imminently. ROSE: I can't squeeze it in before the battle. ROSE: And after, we'll have supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of doing it then? DAVE: shrug ROSE: Something always rubbed me the wrong way about "My Quest". ROSE: I don't even like the phrase. It's uncomfortably formal, and a little foreboding. ROSE: I think the regimentation of it all always struck me as unpalatable. ROSE: Like consigning personal growth to the completion of a glorified, myth-heavy rat maze. DAVE: yeah i know why you feel that way DAVE: youve got big problems with authority DAVE: you always have and you probably wouldnt even put it that way cause it sounds really Teen of you and gauche or whatever DAVE: but its true ROXY: omg u guys and your shrink babble! ROXY: is so funny i swear 2 god DAVE: yeah here we go again right? DAVE: except just remember im a fraud at this stuff DAVE: except in this particular case im totally right DAVE: she sees this quest all neatly laid out for her wrapped in a bow DAVE: fuck it even looks like its made for little kids with like pink turtles and rainbows and shit DAVE: like here you go princess its babys first quest DAVE: almost like it was designed to piss her off DAVE: sburb says here, self improvement delineated and made comprehensible enjoy your cookie cutter odyssey DAVE: so because shes rose she goes no fuck my quest DAVE: literally starts wrecking shit DAVE: and maybe that itself was always her quest VRISKA: If I may interject... DAVE: oh awesome vriska was eavesdropping VRISKA: Not for very long! VRISKA: I just heard you talking a8out Rose's quest is all. VRISKA: I don't have any opinion on whether you do it or not, Rose. That's your 8usiness. VRISKA: 8ut my advice is, if you see your denizen, just make sure you kill her fast. DAVE: what VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cetus is a HUGE 8itch. VRISKA: If you give her an inch, she'll try to sucker you into a whole 8oring convers8tion, mostly involving a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddles. VRISKA: Don't give her the chance! Just go for the jugular and end it as soon as you can. VRISKA: Gra8 her loot and call it a day. That's what I think, at least. VRISKA: Assuming you 8other going to see her at all. Couldn't really 8lame you if you didn't though. ROSE: I probably won't. ROSESPRITE: Won't what? VRISKA: Oh now what the FUCK is this???????? JASPERSPRITE: Meow.