VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage. VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid. VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis. VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit. VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this. VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man. VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut. VRISKA: No, I shouldn't. JOHN: what? VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven. VRISKA: Don't quote me on that. VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful. VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance. VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm? VRISKA: Hey kid. VRISKA: Kid! VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again. VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again? VRISKA: Joke? TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP, TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT, VRISKA: Listen, Joke. VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you. JAKE: Oh sorry. VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert. VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team? JAKE: Um... VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit. VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid. VRISKA: Who else? TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT, VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros. VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too. VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts. TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY, TAVROSPRITE: wHAT, VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do. TAVROSPRITE: oHHH! TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED, VRISKA: Good! VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me. VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward?? KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW. VRISKA: Come again? KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT. KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE. KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM. KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY. KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED. KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT. KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS. KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE. KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME??? KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS. KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"? VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat! VRISKA: Hey there, kitty. JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!! VRISKA: What would you like to do? JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3 VRISKA: Awwwwwwww! VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down! JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3 KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT. KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT. KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG. KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO. KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST. KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT! KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME. VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly. VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter. VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you. VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers! KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS! VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me. VRISKA: Remem8er? KARKAT: OH. RIGHT. KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"? VRISKA: I'm getting to that! VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first. KARKAT: OK WELL... KARKAT: ARE THEY?! VRISKA: Looks like it! KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE... KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN. KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS??? VRISKA: Apparently. VRISKA: You ok with that, kid? JAKE: UM................ VRISKA: You can do it. VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck. VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important. VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution. VRISKA: Just hang in there! JAKE: O... okay. VRISKA: Excellent!