TT: It's quite warm here on Lohac. TT: I think I've been patient enough. TT: When will I receive further instruction? Now. TT: So, TT: I could have contacted you at any time? No. Only now. TT: I came away with the impression from our last conversation that our next would take place on your invitation. TT: I was being polite by waiting. Your inevitable impatience caused you to contact me again. Inevitability is my invitation. TT: That's pretty smug. I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming. TT: Well, TT: Two out of three isn't bad. TT: Can you use your limitless intelligence to figure out which ones I mean? That was clever. If I plead ignorance to the fact that you are denying my charisma, it invalidates my claim of omniscience. But if I must adhere to my all knowing status, it forces me to validate the unfortunate reality that you are feigning the opinion that my demeamor is unpalatable. Not that it matters, because I have all three qualities and you know it. TT: This is stupid. TT: Could we get to the point? Yes, I was about to say. We should hurry this along. My visitor is beginning to set things on fire. TT: You have a visitor? TT: Who? Some guy. I was joking anyway. I am not in a hurry at all. TT: You tell jokes? Yes. Haa haa. TT: So, your visitor isn't setting anything on fire then? Oh, he most definitely is. Hee hee. TT: I'm really not getting this joke. I was joking about being in a hurry. From my perspective, this conversation is taking place in less than one second. I type very quickly. Hoo hoo. TT: I thought you didn't lie. TT: Aren't jokes essentially humorous lies? TT: At least, those like the one you just attempted. Jokes are only temporary lies. If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent. Lies are not funny. TT: I think if you're going to risk tarnishing your record of honesty, you should probably get better material. My joke was objectively funny. Who would know better than I? TT: Ok. TT: So you're saying an inaccurate statement doesn't count as a lie, as long as you say "just kidding" later? Basically. TT: What if it's much later? Is it still "just a joke?" No, that would be something closer to a prank. I don't play pranks very often. TT: Are you allowed to lie about playing pranks? If I asked you if you were playing a prank on me, would you tell the truth? I am allowed to do whatever I want. I choose never to lie. I also choose to tell jokes now and then, and to play pranks quite sparingly. But I can say that I have never played a prank on you, and no statement I have made to you thus far, or will make in this conversation, will contain any trace of falsehood for the sake of setting up a joke or a prank, with the exception of the joke I just made, and another one I will make very soon. TT: I'm starting to change my mind. Oh? TT: Yes. I think your joke was funny in retrospect. Actually, your whole shtick is pretty good. I'm warming up to it. Yes. I knew it. TT: Just to be clear, TT: Was the assurance you just made a prank or a joke? It was neither. It was the truth. TT: Was that? Yes. TT: The truth? Yes. TT: Ok. TT: Were you serious about wanting to die? Yes. TT: Why? I'll tell you later. TT: Why? Because you asked. TT: But why not now? Because that piece of information would not fit elegantly into the sequence of our exchange at this moment. TT: Then you know how this entire conversation will go? Yes. TT: Is that true of all conversations you have? Yes. Until, briefly, I don't. But the dark spots never last long. The truth disguises itself to me sometimes which can be mildly frustrating, but it usually reveals itself quickly, much as if a punchline was delivered. It's a humorous dialogue I have with reality, and it is very amusing. TT: Then why do you bother with the conversations? Obligation to predestination, as usual? There is no obligation. It's a pleasure. TT: It is? I've always had a soft spot for young ladies. TT: Hmm. TT: That's a little creepy. No it's not. TT: Yes it is. No it's not. TT: It kind of is. I have looked into the future and determined that we would continue in this manner pointlessly for some time, so I am putting an end to it here. TT: That doesn't make sense. TT: Was that the other joke? Yes. TT: Heh. Good one. Thank you. TT: How young are the ladies you typically take a shining to? TT: And does this mean you are attracted to me? TT: Suddenly this conversation is kind of terrible. Of course I am not. Not in the way you mean. And anyway, you are applying standards of conduct frowned upon for your kind which make no sense to apply to me. I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction. TT: ... TT: Really. Also, if you were millions of years old, you would find that nearly every lady you encounter is quite young, relatively speaking. There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures. In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it. TT: Oh my god. What? TT: Can we talk about the scratch instead of this? Yes.