timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] TT: Jake. TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me. GT: What????? GT: Dude what is going on... GT: Is this... is this really dirks head??? GT: What happened to him! TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. TT: You have to bring him back to life. GT: How?! TT: I already told you. TT: If you want Dirk to live. TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong. GT: Uhh. TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me. TT: Chop chop. GT: I dont understand! GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo?? TT: Yes. GT: That doesnt make any sense! GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him? TT: I told you, Jake. TT: Dirk is dead. TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed. TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever. GT: So... GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or... GT: Will he grow a new head??? TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk. TT: But only if you hurry up and do it. GT: But like... GT: If hes dead in the future... GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work? TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts. TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok? TT: I have everything under control. TT: Now pucker up. GT: Wait... GT: Are you behind these shenanigans? GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????