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TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder.
TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.
TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.
GT: Really.
GT: What is it?
TT: Lil Hal.
GT: Huh?
GT: Why that name...
TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.
GT: Thats a lie!
TT: Yeah, maybe.
GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???
TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.
GT: Argh!
GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.
TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that?
TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.
TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.
TT: Don't let us down, man.
GT: You never answered my question!
GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?
GT: How long have your machinations been in play!
TT: Jake, come on.
TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.
TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.
TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?
TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.
TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.
TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?
GT: I dont even know what that means!
TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours.
TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.
TT: Kiss me.
GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID.
GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!
TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it?
TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested.
TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor.
TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.
TT: They would have to be, you could say...
TT: Over 9000.
TT:
GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TT: Kiss me, damn it.
GT: Ok ok just...
GT: Gimme a minute!
TT: We don't have a minute.
TT: They're dead, Jake.
GT: They?
GT: Whos they?
TT: They're all dead, Jake.
GT: Oh god! Jane!!!
GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.
GT: Is she ok?!
TT: She's dead, Jake.
GT: Shes dead???
GT: You mean like DEAD dead????
TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.
GT: Everybody??
GT: Even roxy???!!!
TT: She's dead, Jake.
TT: Everybody's dead.
TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.
GT: So...
GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...
TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.
GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???
TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake.
TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.
TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.
GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!
TT: I know you don't.
TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.
TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.
TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.
TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.
TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.
GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!
TT: Stfu and kiss me.

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