TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder. TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation. TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart. GT: Really. GT: What is it? TT: Lil Hal. GT: Huh? GT: Why that name... TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it. GT: Thats a lie! TT: Yeah, maybe. GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it??? TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life. GT: Argh! GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name. TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that? TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake. TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan. TT: Don't let us down, man. GT: You never answered my question! GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation? GT: How long have your machinations been in play! TT: Jake, come on. TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system. TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction. TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off? TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth. TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit. TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake? GT: I dont even know what that means! TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours. TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability. TT: Kiss me. GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID. GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!! TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it? TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested. TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor. TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000. TT: They would have to be, you could say... TT: Over 9000. TT: GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TT: Kiss me, damn it. GT: Ok ok just... GT: Gimme a minute! TT: We don't have a minute. TT: They're dead, Jake. GT: They? GT: Whos they? TT: They're all dead, Jake. GT: Oh god! Jane!!! GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise. GT: Is she ok?! TT: She's dead, Jake. GT: Shes dead??? GT: You mean like DEAD dead???? TT: Everybody's dead, Jake. GT: Everybody?? GT: Even roxy???!!! TT: She's dead, Jake. TT: Everybody's dead. TT: Everybody is dead, Jake. GT: So... GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all... TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake. GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died??? TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake. TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now. TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist. GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!! TT: I know you don't. TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment. TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band. TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count. TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba. TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain. GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute! TT: Stfu and kiss me.